Before starting this pregnancy journey I gave a lot of thought to coming out. What would it be like to come out as a pregnant man? Family and friends are one thing, but I think some of my biggest fears and challenges will be at work and in general public.
I’ve read some other stories about guys who traveled this path before. Many of them say most people in public perceived them to be just a chubby guy getting fatter. I may be able to avoid stares and questions for a while since I have a larger frame. I’ve also noticed that many folks work from home or work independently, so coming out in the workplace doesn’t always apply.
However, I ride everyday in a 7 person carpool. I work with large teams of people. I also work with a lot of patients in a research capacity. This is my reality and I know that I am going to have to discuss the pregnancy and come out eventually.
I thought about it for a while before I told anyone about my desire to be a birthdad and physically carry a baby, our baby. Before I spoke the words (that were in my heart) I wanted to be sure I was strong enough to do it. When it finally did come up back in December 2011, my wife and I were having a serious conversation about the various ways we could bring children into our lives. I finally said something like, “What if I carry the baby..?” I was fearful she would be shocked, but my ever-practical wife C responded something like, “It makes sense….you have the working parts and it is cheaper than some of the other options!”
When she said that she would be on board I was exhilarated. My heart was racing and full of joy. It just blows my mind sometimes how I thought so little of the life I dreamed of could even be possible because of my identities. The more love we share and the more strength I find, I see that we can do all of it…our way. To experience pregnancy and birth has always been an interest of mine, although I think I pushed this away. Even genderqueer trannies can let gender norms get the best of them!
There was something magical and safe about keeping it between us. I hate to say it, but I had some fears that even our closest queer friends would think I was nuts! So far we’ve told many of our queer friends, who were overwhelmingly supportive and very excited for us. C has also told a few close friends at work. We feel so blessed to have all these awesome people in our lives.
It’s good to know that whatever challenges I face navigating the world as a pregnant dude, I will have lots of support from C and our supportive circle of friends and family.