Sh*t my pregnant husband says

Since this is a semi-anonymous blog and K is far too busy with work and growing a human in his belleh to post very frequently, you likely aren’t aware that his charm and humor comes mostly when he isn’t trying to be humorous or charming. He gets a lot of zingers out when he’s just… talking.

He is constantly rolling his eyes at me lately because I am so obsessed with the tiny, adorable outfits at Old Navy or, worse yet, Zulily. I’ve been trying to restrain myself and not purchase things that aren’t total necessities at this point, but it’s been very difficult. The other day, while chatting with him about the must-have brown and cream striped hoodies I saw online, K said the following:

“Just to spite all your adorable clothing purchases, our child is going to be a nudist.”

It’s likely true. As a small child, K would hide under tables at weddings and emerge naked. I’m sure it’s because he didn’t want to wear those frilly dresses his mom forced him to parade around in, but hey. Being a future nudist is technically in Falco’s DNA.

Later that evening, when discussing all of the work I had done to set up interviews with doula candidates (more on that in a future post, k?), I mentioned to him that some of the women provide placenta encapsulation as an additional service. For those who aren’t aware, placenta encapsulation involves the processing of one’s placenta into capsules that you can take. The theory behind consuming one’s placenta is that it:

  • Contains lots of nutrients and hormones
  • Can help to balance your hormones and eliminate postpartum depression
  • Can increase energy
  • Can reduce your postpartum healing time
  • Can increase your milk supply
  • Can reduce symptoms at menopause

As I droned on and on about placenta encapsulation, I glanced over at K, who was growing greener by the second. He said:

“Hon, can we please wait until after my first trimester to talk about placenta encapsulation?”

The poor guy was going to barf. I quickly dropped it.

It’s gems like this, dear readers, that brighten my life. In what ways do your partners unintentionally bring you joy?

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4 thoughts on “Sh*t my pregnant husband says

  1. My recent favourite was when we were talking about Theo’s babysitter for the summer. She was my friend Nathalie’s daughter, was only 16, and lived in France with her father during the school year but visited her mother every summer.

    I was telling Matt that I wanted to get her something nice as a thank you/goodbye present because, at $10/hour, I was technically paying her slightly less than General Minimum Wage. Matt came back with:

    “So let me get this straight – you’ve employed a foreign, underage worker to look after your child, and you’re paying her less than minimum wage, and under the table at that.”

    I responded with:

    “I AM THE ONE PERCENT!”

  2. I fawn over all the adorable clothes and want to dress our girl in every teeny tiny adorable dress there is. My partner, butch as can be, is mortified by this. I frequently ask why she hasn’t dressed RR in one of her super cute skirts and dresses and she says innocently, “I’m worried her knees will be cold.”

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