Changing our minds?

Our initial plan was to reveal Falco’s sex at the baby shower. We thought it would be fun to play some sort of game where people guess or vote Falco’s sex in a creative way before we announce it. That is, before almost everyone we know has told us that they think we’re having a boy. The more we think about our initial plan, given this skew, the more anticlimactic it seems. We either say, “Hooray! You’re all right!” or, “Suckas! You’re all wrong!”

The sex of this kid is obviously just one tiny piece of information about her/him. It’s one little detail that doesn’t really inform anyone about anything truly important. Why are we continuing with our ridiculous plan if we no longer feel excited about it?

We have several friends who are expecting and aren’t announcing the sexes of their babies until their births. I recently asked one of these couples their reasoning behind this and it really resonated with me. Their response was that there are so few things these days that are true surprises. Everything is known before it ever happens, or, at the very least, within seconds of it happening. They really wanted an exciting piece of information to share with their loved ones.

K and I are now seriously considering waiting until Falco’s birth to announce his/her sex with a name, date/time of birth and other basic newborn-related details. It just seems like a way more exciting option, but is it completely ridiculous to switch gears like this after telling people our initial plan? Can we just chalk it up to a new parent’s prerogative to change his/her mind? Is it worth pissing off my mother-in-law, who was already mad enough about us waiting until the shower to announce Falco’s sex?


9 thoughts on “Changing our minds?

  1. There will be many things throughout your child’s life that you do as parents that are 100% your choice that people will have an opinion about, including pissing those close to you off if its not their way and they for whatever reason think you are wrong. Sometimes you will be wrong, that’s just how it is when there is no handbook on raising children, but being “wrong” and messing up is how you learn, and usually it’s not actually wrong it’s simply different and as we all know, people tend to be afraid of different and many times show it in anger. This is YOUR child, therefore it is YOUR choice, and you are 100% entitled to change your mind. We found out the sex of our child but refused to tell anyone, there were people that weren’t thrilled with the idea, but they dealt with it, because what else are they going to do. Everyone thought we were having a boy, and they were right, but they didn’t know until that beautiful day on the evening of 10/22/12. And her reason of being angry about it that omg whatever will people but for the baby shower if they don’t know the sex is simply ridiculous. More and more people are not revealing the gender and baby showers still go on. And on another note about your last post, I say stick to your guns and keep it a couples baby shower, obviously that’s what you want and are comfortable with and it’s about your baby so it should be about who you want to share that with. I wish you the best. And sending you positive thoughts and hugs from a stranger who is a constant follower of your blog.

  2. Another thought on this topic: Given K’s aunt’s thoughtless plan for our shower as well as K’s mom’s anger about not finding out Falco’s sex in time to buy gifts for the shower, it’s really clear to me that this family is far too wedded to the concept of gender essentialism for our taste. Maybe it’s a really GOOD thing to test these notions by not revealing the information before Falco’s birth!

    • You’re welcome, and yes you’re probably right about it being a good thing. As a straight couple with 2 girls and a boy (girls 9 and 4 and boy 15 months) we try to raise our kids without sending the message of strict “boy” “girl” roles and toys etc. my little guy has baby dolls, including a cabbage patch kid that was his fathers, and my girls have a ton of match box and micro machines that were my husbands. When we first began dating my step daughter who is 9 always said she was a boy or she wanted to be a boy because “she liked boy things and didn’t like girl things”. Well she now likes ALL things and understands that the things she likes are just things, not boy or girl. I believe that children should not be forced into thinking certain things are for one sex or another, it’s a way of thinking that really limits our children and is very closed minded. It sounds as if even if they are understanding of K they are not open minded about gender outside of K specifically. I really am super excited to hear (aka read lol) the gender but I will stay excited until you choose to make that wonderful announcement.

  3. It definitely seems like a good thing that they don’t know the baby’s sex before the shower. My guess is that you’d end up “showered” in a lot of gender-specific items, which is clearly NOT your desire.

    As far as changing your mind, you guys have every right. Don’t let anyone guilt you into something you don’t want. It’s cliche but true – “Give them an inch, and they’ll take a mile.” Once you start relinquishing control of your parenting decisions, people will start to think that they can push the boudaries more. No matter what you do, someone is going to think you’re doing it wrong, because you’re not doing it their way.

  4. Yep, your baby, your decision. It can be hard to wrap your head around when you first have a child, but you don’t owe anyone anything where your child is concerned. You absolutely will piss people off, do things counter to what your mom/MiL/etc. think you should do, all that good stuff. Just know that this is your baby and you and K get to call every last shot. There is no one else in the world who gets to overrule you or tell you you can’t do that. It can be stressful, but it’s also really quite freeing in a way. I actually enjoyed messing with my mom when she would ask me when I was going to stop breastfeeding my kid. “I was thinking around 10?” 🙂 People will try to insert themselves into many of your parental decisions and you get to say NO WAY.

    DW totally wanted to keep the sex a surprise for our first (even from ourselves!), but there is no way I could do it. I am a nosy blabbermouth and could never wait that long to find out or tell! But I think it’s really cool when couples decide they want to do it.

  5. If you don’t want to tell everyone is Falco is a boy or a girl until s/he is born, don’t! If your mother-in-law or aunt gets upset, just explain that the more you and K talked about it, the more you’ve decided you’d like to wait. It’s your baby, your choice. Don’t let them bully you into anything. If they still want to guess, let them guess, but don’t feel pressured to reveal anything.

  6. Pingback: An update on the shower drama | The Falco Project

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