We’d like to thank the many of you who expressed your outrage about our baby shower drama. We finally have an update.
K received a phone call from his aunt while he was driving home from work on Tuesday evening. Since he commutes with a large group of people who definitely don’t need to know our business on the matter, he opted to let the call go to voicemail. His aunt left a voicemail, asking him to give her a call so that we could sort through the guest list and come up with something that works for everyone.
We were pretty nervous about what this could potentially mean, so we strategized before calling her back. K and I discussed what mattered most to us about a shower and about our role as parents: that people in our lives view and respect us as Falco’s parents – K as the father-to-be and me as the mother-to-be. If his aunt had a family only shower (and the men in our families wouldn’t be too interested in attending), we wanted to be certain that we were being celebrated in those roles that felt respectful and comfortable for us.
K called her back. His aunt said that she was hurt by our response because, from the moment he came out, she has viewed him as her nephew (which is true, but doesn’t account for her recent poor word choice in referencing a “girls-only shower”). She said if I was the partner who was carrying our child that he wouldn’t even be invited to this shower because the family’s tradition is to have more intimate gatherings with mostly/all women present. We made the collective decision that she would host a family only shower like referenced above. While I don’t think she took enough ownership or apologized for her hurtful word choice, it sounds as though the situation is resolved in K’s mind.
We’re truly lucky to have wonderful chosen family members who have made it clear that they’d be thrilled to host a gathering for friends, so we’re definitely not going to miss out on that experience. K and I are both thinking that a friends gathering would be a hell of a lot more fun than this stodgy family only format, and that we’ll feel much more comfortable and authentic amongst our friends.
K pointed out that having separate gatherings also allows us the option of announcing Falco’s sex to the group of people who we trust will not equate what is/isn’t between Falco’s legs with a whole load of assumptions and values. We could wait to tell family members when Falco is born. Since the only people we know who read this blog are friends, it would also give us the option of talking more openly about Falco’s sex via this blog (and trust me, I’m itching to do so).