Today, the entire family was awake at 3 a.m. This is a typical wake time for K, as of late, when Falco starts bopping around and hunger pangs begin. Usually, if he gets up, eats a snack and watches something on television, he’s able to eventually get back to sleep.
Not so for me this morning. Even with the heaviest duty prescription sleep aids, I’m typically only able to sleep in three-hour blocks, which last night translated to:
- Meds round 1, 9 p.m.
- Sleep, 9:30 p.m. to midnight
- Meds round 2, midnight-ish
- Sleep, 12:30 to 3 a.m.
After a snack and DVR’d television show, I tried to go back to bed with K, but sleep has proven elusive. I know that I’ll be able to sleep again later, but it usually requires several hours of awake time first.
I think that anxiety around baby preparedness is making sleep particularly difficult right now. When I allow myself an opportunity to take a step back and evaluate where we’re at with preparations, I feel like we’re in good shape. We have secured the vast majority of necessities, and when I really analyze it, I think that the vastness of the remaining wait time is what’s really eating at me. It’s sending me into a bit of a tailspin, filling my days with worry about the unknown, the what if’s, the frenzied pace of nothingness.
I know that I’m much calmer when I feel like I have a sense of control and am working toward small projects. With that in mind, I made a large, long-awaited purchase – a chest freezer – and plan to spend some of March and April preparing meals that can be frozen and easily reheated when Falco makes a debut. Doing something practical and useful will help to refocus some of this nervous energy.
Oddly enough, even with this maelstrom of anxiety, I feel like I’m fairly practical when it comes impending parenthood. I know that no matter how many tasks I feel I’ve completed, no matter how many BabyCenter to-do lists I’ve owned, no one is ever fully prepared for motherhood. Yes, our little one will have the majority of what every expert deems to be a necessity for infancy, but at the end of the day, as a friend so eloquently said, we will be bringing home a “tiny, demanding stranger.” Falco will have an endless list of needs and very little ability to communicate what they are, and it’s our job as parents to trust our instincts and jump in with both feet. I feel strangely confident that we’ll be okay… if only we could get to the damn finish line.
A lot of so-called mommy bloggers describe hitting a wall in their pregnancies. There comes a time in which you are just so damn over it and want to give birth already. I never realized that this could happen as a non-gestational partner, too, but whoa. I. Am. There. Of course, Falco still needs time to grow and develop. Our Little definitely needs to get fatter, too, because skinny babies just aren’t cute.
Veteran parents, what advice do you have? What do you wish you’d focused on before your first little one made an appearance?