An open letter to my baby at 33.5 weeks

Dear Falco,

Lately, you’ve been doing the weirdest things and have caused us a lot of laughter, head-scratching and slight concern. I’m writing to ask that you please stop torturing your Papa.

We’ve discovered lately that the consumption of sugar – and we’ve been consuming a LOT of it with the baby shower bonanza – really makes you hyper. When Daddy has a piece of cake or a delectable brownie, you pretend that you’re Michael Flatley a la Riverdance. I sure hope you don’t expect this trend to continue when you’re out of Papa’s belly, because we’re going to be “those parents” who make sure you’re consuming very balanced meals.

You hate when your Dad places things on your belly, and I understand your need for space, but it’s not very nice to kick the TV remote or laptop off of your Daddy’s tummy. We need to watch as much crappy reality television as we can before you make an appearance, when we’ll be too sleep deprived to do much beyond feeding you and changing and washing your diapers.

You’re getting SO BIG and the exertion from carrying you around in his belly is exhausting your poor Papa. A few nights ago, because space has been so cramped in your Dad’s belly with you taking up so much real estate, Daddy went directly from a loud snore, into a Homer Simpsonesque belch, and back into a snore. It was equal parts gross and hilarious. I’m not sure about the exact physiological reasons for this phenomenon, but I am certain that it’s somehow your fault.

Since you’ve been head down for weeks, your Dad and I had assumed you’d likely stay that way for the next few weeks until you’ve made your debut. Always one to keep your parents on their toes, you decided to make the most epic flip of all last night and are now wedged horizontally in your Papa’s abdomen. We know that there’s still plenty of time for you to get back into the appropriate position, but you must realize that your parents have the tendency to be anxious, especially as it relates to your wellbeing. As such, we’ve spent a lot of time researching ways to get you back into position. Please make it easy on us and put your big melon back down where it was before. You’re making your Dad’s bump a little lumpy, and that’s never a good look.

Even though you’ve caused a lot anxiety and comical moments lately, I sure can’t wait to meet you, snuggle you and sing you lullabies. You are already my favorite tiny human, even though you’re still a stranger.

Love,
Mommy

P.S. Cut it out.

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7 thoughts on “An open letter to my baby at 33.5 weeks

  1. So exciting! And don’t worry, you’ll have a little crappy tv time after the birth when the baby is still in sleep-wake-eat-sleep mode…and then after that… well, yeah, get it in while you can…

  2. I think we watched more hours crappy “reality” TV when the twins were just a few weeks old than we ever have in our life. Our show of choice was House Hunters International, which seemed to be running on some kind of month-long marathon at the time. Almost 22 months later, I still can’t watch that show again, because it brings up a very intense emotional reaction. Browse the listings now! 🙂

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