Cue temper tantrum.

I can’t believe my ridiculously short maternity leave is almost over. I return for half time work on Monday and for full-time work the following Monday. When I first envisioned this whole motherhood thing, I thought it would be mind numbingly dull and that I’d be literally racing to return to my professional job. While I will say that parenting an infant has been as much work as I had expected, I am definitely dragging my heels about leaving my precious baby. The only consolation is that K and I have staggered our return to work, so E will be home with him for at least a few more weeks.

The first four or five weeks of E’s life have felt like struggling to learn how to run on a hamster wheel. We’ve dealt with inconsolable crying, terrible reflux symptoms, a near constant need to be held during the daytime. E’s just starting to provide us with those moments that make the earlier hardships so worth it – lopsided smiles, funny clucks, coos, etc. I don’t want to miss these moments!

I never thought I would say that I have times during which I really wish I could be a stay at home mom, but I really do. We truly cannot afford for me to do such a thing, though, as my salary quite literally keeps the roof over our heads. I’m grateful for all that we have right now, but it doesn’t usually feel like much, and it would be so much harder if I stayed home.

It’s going to be so hard to leave this face for 8-9 hours each day:

Happy diaper change!

Be prepared for a lot of future pity party mama posts. 😦

6 thoughts on “I DON’T WANNAAAAAAAA!

  1. It’s never easy to go back to work after maternity leave is over. The first day back is admittedly terrible. But I promise that even the second day will already be much easier (I’ve been through these days 1 & 2 four times now). And by the next week, you really will be okay.

  2. I’ve been there. It’s tough. Give it a little while and you’ll find a new normal. Plus, if you never go back you never get to see the face light up when you come home at the end of the day. Makes up for a whole awful lot, I think. Good luck.

  3. I am a working parent as well, and will be when Ziggy is born. The guilt and pain do not go away – unfortunately. Yes there are easier days where the pain of not being at home seeing their faces and watching them grow is less, but for me, most days are filled with sadness when I think of all the things I am missing out on. When Ziggy is born I too will thankfully be taking some time off work, but I can’t imagine how hard it will be to go back to work and leave my still new to this earth baby at home. I say, post all the self pity parties you want – there are many of us that feel the same way that would love to read them, if only so we know we aren’t alone.

  4. Thinking of you — hope things are going OK with you back at work. I remember it being a challenge, but you still have lots of hours to hear those beautiful coos. Just be really nice to yourself your first few weeks back — it’s hard to learn to juggle everything! And, damn, E is a cute baby!

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