Mama time

Between the second car and new medication, I am a much happier, more relaxed mama. I estimate that I have roughly 7 more hours each week during which I can enjoy our little dude, tackle projects around the home, actually cook dinner for our family, and even tap into hobbies and interests I enjoyed before E arrived on the scene.

Today, K, E and I went to a Mom 2 Mom sale, where we acquired some clothes in the next couple of sizes from what E is currently wearing, as well as a few toys. He’s so much more active these days – whew! – and needs more stimulating and interactive toys. We know that he truly enjoys music, so this is one of the toys we picked up (sweet – only $2!):

E's new toy

In addition to cooking more dinners for K and I, we’ve begun introducing solids to E. I’m really enjoying preparing wholesome, tasty food for E. We’re attempting more of a baby-led weaning approach, where E has more empowerment over his food experience, though we are introducing solids in a slow, choosy way because K has a family history of food allergies. We are also doing more purees for now because E can’t yet sit up – he’s so close – and there’s more of a choking hazard if a little one can’t sit up and spit out whatever might be in his/her mouth. So far, E has enjoyed applesauce and bananas. His two favorites were ginger-spiced, roasted carrots, which he kept cramming in his mouth while making “come to papa” eyes, and quinoa risotto, which made him squeal in a voice I’ve never heard before or since. Here are a few photos for your enjoyment:





This afternoon, K took E to visit his parents and gave me the gift of some mama time. I spent part of it attempting to make a wool diaper cover from a sweater I acquired at a local resale shop. It was my first try and I believe it’ll be too small. I’ve decided not to be upset about it, though, because it inspired me to get my sewing machine out of storage for the first time in months, gave me a chance to get reacquainted with it, and helped me to better understand how to make a wool diaper cover when I get the time to try again.

How do you spend the little bit of down time you have? If you don’t currently have any down time, what do you daydream about doing during down time you will hopefully one day have?

Commence heteronormative parenting group

The hospital system through which E was born offers optional parenting groups based on a baby’s age and family’s location. For six months, a group meets every other week for two hours – the first half of the session is typically dedicated to a topic of interest to the group and the second half is for social time. While we have a lot of rad parents and kids in our lives, we liked the notion of connecting with parents whose children are experiencing similar milestones and challenges around the same pace. K and I decided to be brave and enroll in one of the evening groups and our group started this week.

Birth story aside, I knew that we’d be the weirdos of the group, and I say that mostly with pride. Even most of our mundane parenting choices and preferences (cloth diapering, baby-led weaning, babywearing, baby with a hyphenated last name, etc.) put us on the fringe of most circles. Oftentimes, the knowledge of our stark differences leaves us with the expectation of needing to defend our identities and choices, which doesn’t make for a very comfortable setting. Still, we figured that we’d be interacting with mainstream parents eventually and decided to dip our toes in when we still had the option of dropping out of this particular group.

I was right in our assumption that we were rather different from other parents, but I was expecting more judgment or hesitation from the other members. Instead, we were greeted with warm smiles and friendly questions. I also expected more stay-at-home mothers in the group, but I believe all are households in which both parents work outside of the home, likely because it’s an evening group offering. I imagine that our group feels and looks a bit different from the groups that are offered mid-morning and likely attract only mothers. I was also surprised to see that one of our group members is a local elected official who is very progressive.

K and I are on the fence about whether or not we will eventually tell the group members about E’s origins. We plan on being very open with our baby, family members and friends, but when it comes to the rest of the world, we’re kind of the standpoint of disclosing on a need-to-know basis, and I realize the privilege in our ability to make that decision. Ultimately, I want E to have as much agency as possible with regard to the disclosure of his birth story, and that can’t happen if we’ve told everyone and their brother. With that in mind, K and I were a little nervous when our icebreaker was to tell our birth stories. To sidestep the issue of needing to get into something so complex with literal strangers, I opted to tell a very vague but hilarious tale surrounding E’s birth, when he made his debut and promptly peed an arc above everyone in attendance. “He has enjoyed making a big first impression since day one,” I quipped.

E was very social and smiled at parents and babies alike. I think he might have been the only baby present who didn’t cry at least once. He had a great time wiggling on the floor with some of the other kiddles, and when we took a group picture of the babies, E had his arms casually slung around both of his neighbors, as if to say, “I’m hangin’ with my bros!” (There is only one girl in the entire group!)

One thing that I greatly dislike about the group relates to the hospital’s organization of it. At the time of each baby’s birth, the hospital promotes the parenting groups and gives everyone the option of signing up if it sounds interesting to them. Before we were discharged from the hospital with E, I sent an email to the parenting resources coordinator at the hospital to sign up for the group. In my email, I relayed the requested information including my full name, my husband’s name, our location and our baby’s date of birth. When the group was formed, K – not me – and a list of clearly all women received a mass email with the details, even though I had never sent his email address to the parenting resources coordinator. Then, the night of the group, our volunteer facilitator passed around the group roster, saying that this information was provided by the hospital, and asked us to update or change anything we needed or wanted. Luckily, she handed me the roster first, which allowed me an opportunity to black out inaccurate/inappropriate information before others saw it. The roster was a bolded list of all women’s names, including K’s legal/given name (again, I never disclosed that to the parenting resources coordinator), their contact information, babies’ names, and husband’s names with the word “father” in parentheses after the men’s names. E’s last name was listed as being K’s last name, which isn’t on ANY paperwork anywhere, and my name, which was in the “husband” area (not labeled, but clear that’s what the intention of that spot was) had parentheses with nothing inside of them, like they couldn’t even figure out what my relation to this family was! Now, it’s clear to me that the parenting resources coordinator used health information on file at the hospital instead of the information provided to them by the parents as they were signing up for the groups, and that does NOT sit well with me. I plan on reaching out to the coordinator right away to let them know that we are displeased by this fact and that we never consented for this information to be relayed to others.

For now, K and I plan to continue going to the group unless or until we decide it isn’t meeting our needs, or if the downsides end up outweighing the benefits. Hopefully, there are more interesting anecdotes to come..!

The pit and peak

Last night was a whirlwind.

If you’ve been reading along, you know that our elderly dog has been in rapidly declining health. Since we’ve come home from our trip to visit my parents, we’ve noticed that she trembles and her legs periodically buckle beneath her, making her unable to walk during those times. K and I have been watchfully waiting for “the sign” that it’s time to humanely say goodbye. Each time we think it’s time, she bounces back and seems like her old self again.

She had a rough morning getting around yesterday, so I gated her in the living room with a pee pad during the day so that she wouldn’t have to traverse the treacherous stairs to and from the crate that we keep in the basement. When I arrived home, she was either still or again having trouble with her legs and when she trembled, she made little sounds. I called K and said that we needed to take her to the veterinarian that night.

K scrambled to find last-minute child care so that we could focus our attention on our sweet Golden Girl, and his dad said that he could come to be with E. He typically cares for E with K’s mom, but she was out-of-town, and we were really appreciative of his willingness and ability to help.

Of course, by the time we got to the vet, sweet lady was walking more normally, as she is wont to do. The veterinarian gave her a thorough physical examination, confirming that our dog isn’t currently in pain, discovering that she has a heart murmur and telling us that she’s fairly certain that our dog has a brain mass. Since our dog is so old, our intention is to continue to watchfully wait and assess for signs that it is time to say goodbye, but the vet said that she doesn’t yet think that the time has come.

We arrived home, exhausted and still a bit numb from the veterinarian’s news, and grandpa said that E had been fussy, which is very much out of character for him. Grandpa tried rocking him, offering a pacifier, and giving him more food, none of which seemed to work, then decided to try changing E’s diaper. K was holding E as we thanked grandpa for his help.

After K’s dad left, K turned to me and said, “I don’t know what my dad did, but this diaper feels funky. I swear, I can feel E’s buttcrack!” Since we needed to get E ready for bed anyway, which involves changing him into a thick, absorbent nighttime diaper, we decided to assess the situation. This is what we discovered:



[For those who are unfamiliar with these diapers, please reference this photo at the Cotton Babies website.]

Bless his heart. He tried and when he did, he managed to get a BumGenius Freetime, our easiest diaper, on our baby backwards. With snaps. (HOW THE…?!?!?!?!) We laughed our asses off, grateful for the support we have in times of need, and thankful for the levity after such a weighty evening.

Working Parent Pity Party

Joyful little queerspawn

E tries to roll from back to front

That face right there? It’s what inspires me to get up at 5:30 in the morning (not just because he’s hungrily crying), to bust my butt at work to earn a living wage to provide for him, and to do what I can to give him the best life possible. I am so grateful that we were able to conceive this little joy and that we have the privilege of raising him. My life has such different meaning now that he’s in it, and being his mama brings me a sense of fulfillment that I never thought was attainable.

But it is goddamn hard, yo.

There’s a reason why I’ve been seriously neglecting this blog and it’s because most days, I feel like I’m on a hamster wheel. Each morning feels like a total race to get the three of us ready and get out the door, drop E off at daycare, then drop K off at his vanpool pick up, then attempt to get to my job by 8 a.m. I put in a nine-hour workday, staring at the clock the entire time so I don’t leave too late, get caught in rush hour traffic and keep my precious little one at daycare any longer than he has to be.

Then, I haul ass to his daycare, grab all of his bottles and diapers, and exit the premises with my treasured man and overflowing hands. I rush to a brief but vital errand or home to tend to a few chores like emptying/rinsing his bottles, emptying the diapers from his daycare wetbag into our dirty diaper bin, and letting the dogs out to relieve themselves. I often try to squeeze the start of a major chore like tossing a load of laundry into the washer, prioritizing his cloth diapers over our clothes, or giving E a quick bath, and attempt to feed him a bottle. Then, we race back out the door less than an hour later to pick Daddy up from his vanpool drop off location. If K encounters traffic and/or forgets his phone at home and cannot text me when they’re getting close in order to time our departure (both happened this week – sigh), I end up waiting at the vanpool pickup location with a very cranky baby, who cries whenever the car stops.

K and I rush home with E, where we throw a frenzied meal into our faces, and separately tend to chores like washing/prepping bottles, starting/continuing laundry, washing dishes, and making our lunches and preparing E’s belongings for the following day, while our adorable son either snoozes or plays in his bouncy seat. Sometimes we manage to watch a tv show on DVR while we complete some of these tasks. We somehow muster the energy to play with E and enjoy his company during the little time we have at home with him. We change him, get him ready for bed and try to all get to sleep by 10:30 p.m.

We’re all doing the best that we can, but it tears me up that I’m often so exhausted by the end of the day that I can’t be energetic or entirely present for E. If we didn’t need my paycheck, I would likely try to find a way to stay home with our baby, though I see him thriving in a daycare setting.

I knew it would be our reality, as we share a car and K commutes 45-60 minutes each way for work, that I would spend a lot of time driving around before and after work. I feel like an unpaid taxi driver and the amount of time wasted in the car really eats at me some days. We’re trying to prioritize the saving toward a second car, but it likely won’t happen anytime soon. I know that having access to another car will really help to free up some time because I could get to work even earlier while K does drop-off at daycare, then I could run an errand or do a chore or two before getting E from daycare, K could run an errand on the way home from his vanpool, and we could spend a lot more time at home with each other. I keep dreaming of the day that this is our reality.

In the meantime, I’m going to take at least one moment each day to acknowledge that this is fucking hard, that I’m hardly the first or only parent to go through it, and that this face is beyond worth it:

E's drop-off this morning at daycare


A random, early morning update

K has been taking the majority of the middle of the night feedings and sleeping longer in the morning while I get up with Baby E for his first few morning feedings. My body has gotten used to being “on” at around 5 a.m., but for some reason, baby’s feeding schedule was slightly off last night, leaving me with no official reason to be awake as early as I am right now. I figured it was one of the few opportunities I seem to have these days to post an update.

We convinced the pediatrician to “try” Zantac for a month for E’s reflux, which has gotten increasingly worse. She said that it typically takes about four days to notice an improvement, but several other sources I’ve ready indicate it could take up to two weeks. We’ve already noticed about a 50% improvement in symptoms, especially as it relates to spitting up, but he still has long stretches of inconsolable crying/fussing about every other day. It’s exhausting to watch our baby be in such discomfort and not be able to do anything about it, and the constant need is also draining, leaving us as not our best selves (ok, mostly me. K is a gem). I ordered a hazelwood necklace yesterday, which many say has the ability to improve reflux symptoms by absorbing acid from one’s body. Let’s just say I’m desperate enough to try anything, evidence based or not.

Everyone in our lives, sans the pediatrician, seems to think we need to try E on a different formula. I think part of this stems from the commonplace assumptions in the late 70’s through the 80’s that babies had dairy problems if they showed even the slightest sign of gastrointestinal issues, promptly switching kiddles to lactose-free varieties. Couple that with increased current awareness around food sensitivities in general (which is a great thing, really), and you have the perfect storm for unsolicited advice around what we should be feeding our child. Sadly, not much of this advice is based on anything scientific I’ve researched, as our baby shows zero symptoms related to dairy sensitivity, unless these symptoms happen to be shared (or are even MORE commonly exhibited) with reflux issues. So reflux it is.

On a more upbeat note, Baby E is starting to show signs of social smiling (vs. the common early infancy gas/poo-related smiles). It’s as though he knows the exact right thing to do with his exasperated parents, who want nothing more than to see their baby happy and comfortable… and he truly is most of the time. Even when his reflux issues pop up, he can go from being smiley one minute, to a full on reflux-related meltdown, and back to smiley. I really feel like he’s a happy baby trapped in an unhappy body. His gummy, lopsided grins make my heart melt.

I think we’ve gotten past the point in which the skeptics in our lives, who thankfully held their tongues, had assumed we’d have long since given up on our hippy idealism as it relates to cloth diapering. Sorry, haters, but I’m even more invested in it than I was when it was all still a theoretical plan. Baby E is starting to fit into more of his pockets, which have way cuter designs than anything else in our cloth diaper stash, and it’s fun to try to pick out which diaper to put on him at every diaper change. I think even E likes them – and I can’t imagine a baby preferring a wad of absorbent chemicals next to their body instead of something so soft and fluffy. Even the laundry has been a breeze! I’m sure it’ll get slightly hairier as I make my transition back to work at the beginning of June, but perhaps not. I was handling it just fine when I temporarily suspended my leave to deal with a much more stressful work pace and project than I’ll be facing upon my return.

K and I earned another new parenting merit badge this week when we went on a date without E for the first time. He stayed with his grandparents (K’s parents), who fed him and changed his cloth diapers without incident. Wouldn’t it figure that he also didn’t really exhibit many reflux signs while with him. (I swear this kid wants to make us look like hysterical new parents who are exaggerating his symptoms!) A good time was had by all and it increased my confidence around carving out the very crucial time for K and I to continue to have an adult relationship that doesn’t entirely revolve around our roles as parents.

As I am anticipating a hunger wail pretty much any minute now, I should probably conclude for now. At some point, I will have to update you all about our recent visit to my parents’ place, which was, at many times, stressful and infuriating.

Still swimming

I’ve been clamoring to draft a blog post for almost three weeks but have been too busy to do so. I wanted to check in to say that we’re all still here!

I temporarily suspended my maternity leave after we got home from the hospital because of the large fundraising event that was on the horizon. I knew that my coworkers would have been completely screwed had I decided not to come back to help and, while it would have been my justifiable right to do so, the guilt would have eaten me alive. My decision to go back to work for two weeks translated into the most chaotic mayhem and lack of work/life balance I’ve likely ever experienced.

I felt like I did my very best to maintain as much of the baby-related work as I possibly could while working 50-60 hours in a week. K took most of the nighttime feedings and diapering duties, letting me sleep as much as possible so I could be lucid enough to work. I was able to conduct the majority of my work from home and at all hours of the day or night, but this past week required me to be at the workplace more frequently. I thought that mommy guilt was going to eat me alive – and mommy guilt was pretty much the only thing eating, as I certainly wasn’t consuming food.

The event took place this past Thursday and I’m happy to report that we all survived. I think it went as well as expected. I now have a couple of work days next week that will be solely focused on event wrap-up, then I will resume my maternity leave. I am looking so forward to doing just that – spending time with my guys, bonding as a new unit, taking walks and naps, and learning what the new normal of our family will look like.

Looking back at these past few weeks, I can honestly say that I couldn’t have made it through without my family. Waking up with E’s milky breath in my face, seeing his sweet face and knowing that I could count on my handsome, loving and hardworking husband was my fuel.

Right now, I have a load of diaper laundry in the wash, just completed washing bottles, and am catching a rerun of Law & Order while E sweetly naps at my side. I’m waiting for him  to wake up for his next feeding, then will change his diaper, and run a few errands while he sleeps a few more hours. I’m still very much in a place of amazement about my new mommyhood status, but I’m loving it.

I promise I won’t be such a stranger in the coming weeks!

2 weeks old

C and I have been adjusting well to parenthood.  Because Falco arrived so early, and C is really dedicated to her job, she’s postponed her maternity leave until after the 26th of April.  She works in fundraising/development, and there is a very large annual event that takes place on the 25th.  She plays a huge role in making this event happen, and didn’t want to leave her  co-workers or the agency in a lurch.  I respect how hard she is working, while still doing as much as she can at home to help me out.  She’s seriously worked about 60 hours this week already.  It’s rough.  It’s been a little challenging for me, home alone with the little guy.  I feel cooped up here and a little emotional and miss having her around to reassure me when I’m afraid I’m doing everything wrong.  C is totally the calm one right now….but I’m hoping that is just the pregnancy hormones and I’ll relax a little more soon.

Cloth diapering is going really well.  I have to admit I was a little scared of the poo and the poo sprayer!  (Since we’re bottle feeding the poop is not water soluble like breast milk feed babies).  But it really hasn’t been that bad at all, especially since we have this Spray Pal.  I highly recommend it!

The most challenging thing so far has been feeding.  Falco has some reflux and it’s a slow process to feed him and difficult to watch him uncomfortable and struggle while eating.  The pediatrician isn’t too worried about it since he isn’t having any trouble gaining weight.

And now for some pictures!!

daddy and baby had a rough start

daddy and baby had a rough start

Team Spirit

Team Spirit



About 1 week old

About 1 week old

2 weeks

2 weeks

The Long-Awaited Nursery Reveal

It’s official: the nursery is now mostly complete. I say “mostly” because we are still waiting on the crib skirt to arrive and, because we recently ordered it as a part of our massive Amazon nursery completion order, it likely won’t be here until after our Little arrives. K is trying to convince me that Falco won’t mind.

The nursery is yellow and grey with chevron details. We opted to paint the nursery a cheery but not juvenile looking yellow (Sherwin-Williams Harmony low-VOC Acrylic Latex paint in Lantern Light Eg-Shel). We did this for several reasons:

  • Grey paint is notoriously difficult, as it typically reads as either blue or mauve, depending on the undertones and light in the room.
  • We wanted the paint to be able to easily transition as Falco gets older.
  • We wanted the paint to read as neutral, since we’re renting and didn’t bother to ask our rental agency if we could paint the room (yep, we’re total rebels).


Crib: babyletto Hudson 3 in 1 in grey, purchased via Zulily for a $60 reduced price. Woot!
Rug: Mohawk Yellow Ziggidy, again purchased via Zulily.
Baby quilt: Designed and constructed by an amazing friend.

mobile, crib and picture

Fitted crib skirt: Sewn by me using a free online pattern with Keepsake Calico Gray & Yellow fabric.
Mobile: Designed and constructed by me
, using various fat quarters, polyfill, ribbon and a yellow yarn-wrapped embroidery hoop. It was inspired by my favorite song I sang as a child (and can’t wait to sing to Falco), “You Are My Sunshine.”
Print: Purchased and framed by K’s Aunt K (the one who hosted our family shower), designed by Ellen Crimi-Trent. K’s Aunt saw that I had posted a similar print to Facebook with the intent of creating a craft that was inspired by it, tracked down the artist, and placed the order via her Etsy store.


Shelves: IKEA EKBY TONY/EKBY BJÄRNUM (previously purchased, used at my former job and repurposed).
Piggy banks: The Sponge Bob one was gifted to us by my mother at our family shower. It belonged to my late grandmother, who used it for her Bingo winnings, which are also enclosed. The other one was hand painted by me during a holiday outing with my coworkers. One side says, “[Falco’s] 1st Car Fund.”
Sign: Designed and framed by a friend. It says, “E is for… [Falco’s intended name, masked for privacy/anonymity.]”
Bunny lovey: Gifted to us by K’s cousin at our family shower. It matches an adorable stroller blanket.


Dresser: IKEA HEMNES 8-drawer dresser, purchased by K’s parents as a Christmas gift.
Changing pad cover: Aden + Anais 100% Cotton Muslin in Safari Friends Giraffe.
Afghan: Handcrafted by my mom and gifted to us at our family shower.
Garbage can turned diaper pail: iTouchless Deodorizer 13 Gallon Stainless Steel Automatic Touchless Trash Can with Carbon Filter. There’s also a yellow wetbag inside.


Vintage diaper pin decor: Ballard Designs, gifted to us by my parents as a nod to our intention to cloth diaper.

new cat bed slash changing pad

Kis thinks this changing pad is a kitty bed. Can’t say I blame him.


Floor lamp: Nickel-plated IKEA ALÄNG. We also purchased a matching table lamp for later use when Falco is in a big kid bed and has nightstand that we also purchased.


Rocking chair and matching ottoman (previously shown): IKEA POÄNG, birch veneer with Lockarp gray cover, purchased for as a Christmas gift from my parents.
Bookshelf turned “diaper tower”: IKEA HEMNES in white. Shown is only a small portion of our cloth diaper stash, just enough for Falco’s smaller sizes.
Throw blanket: Frost chevron gray by THRO, purchased via Zulily.
Diaper bag: JJ Cole Mode in Mixed Leaf, purchased by a family friend.
Toy bin: Purchased by K’s mom and filled with an assortment of toys we purchased and acquired as gifts.
Philly LOVE ornament: Purchased for us by a dear friend.
Vintage rolling curtain: Came with our glamorous home rental.

elephants from Grandmas

Elephant plushies: Purchased, separately and independently, by each Grandma-to-be.
Baby book: Purchased by K at a local boutique.


Prints: Designed by a dear friend (the same one who designed, “E is for…”).

What do you think? I’m pretty excited about it and can’t wait for our Little to join us!

Note: the following post, Our Birth Plan, is password protected as some of our future posts might be. We would love to continue sharing details with our treasured followers, so please request a password by emailing us at thefalcoproject (at) gmail (dot) com. Thanks!

Snappis and prefolds and wet bags, oh my!

Well, this is pretty embarrassing. It’s been 10 days since our last post. To be fair, it’s been a bit of a whirlwind and K and I are both doing our best to hang in there.

K is sick and it came on really quickly. I think he has a sinus infection turned bronchitis. His poor cough sounds pitiful and none of the pregnancy-approved medications seem to be much help. We’re headed to see the OB today and I’m hopeful she’ll have some suggestions.

Meanwhile, I’m trying to steadily check tasks off of our to-do list. I’ve made a deal with myself, as a hopeful barrier to exhaustion, that I will only do one home management task (laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the bathroom, etc.) and one baby-related task (hanging artwork in the nursery, assembling the laundry bin, setting up the new touch-free garbage bin with wet bag for dirty dipes, etc.) each week day. It’s worked out quite well, though I am pooped and am very much looking forward to the weekend.

As a follow-up to my allergy freak out post, I visited my allergist this week to try to strategize about the recent realization that my major allergen is an ingredient in every formula on the market. My doctor didn’t do a very great job at listening to my concern before immediately chiming in to try to solve a concern that I didn’t even have. It took one of the medical students who crammed into the room with me to relay my concerns to him. He admitted that he’d never considered my concern as a possibility for his patients, so once again, I’ve left him scratching his head (he’s never found anyone with my allergy before, either).

The truly horrible news is that my only option is avoidance of the allergen, as there are no medical interventions that can treat or prevent this allergic reaction. His suggestion was to mix up a small batch of each of the formula brand samples I have at home and give myself a makeshift patch test. He said that I might not have as strong of a reaction to one type as I do to another, and that different formulations of tocopherol might impact me differently. I mixed up four different formulas and applied them to my arm with labeled bandages. One of them immediately made me start itching, but I’m telling myself that it’s a psychosomatic response, as my allergy usually flares about 24 hours after I encounter it. This isn’t the most scientific of tests, as I know which brands are located where and I inherently have my own biases against each (this one’s cheapest, this one’s website doesn’t list nutritional information, this one’s company gives out TONS of coupons!), but it’ll have to do. Here’s my lovely test:

arm patch test

The patch test needs to stay on for two days and cannot get wet, which led to a hysterical contraption I created to try to keep my arm dry in the shower: a wet bag with prefold on top, both wrapped tightly around my arm and held together with three Snappis. I figured Falco wouldn’t mind me borrowing these items.

I’m really hopeful that I can find a solution with these commercially available formulas. I’ve decided that I’m too nervous about creating my own formula and milk banks (very rightfully) prioritize incredibly sick babies due to limited supply. I’m also hopeful that some of my fears were perhaps premature. One of my largest fears about becoming a parent was that I would be emotionally distant and cold like my parents were, and I’m petrified that a medical barrier like this sort of allergy will leave me both emotionally and physically distant from Falco, or worse, that I will resent Falco for an approximate year’s worth of itchy, burning misery. Envision this, which is an actual photo of my neck when I was having a pre-diagnosis reaction to tocopherol:

terribly itchy neck

Please keep your fingers crossed!


I know it’s normal to experience the distraction of nesting during a mom-to-be’s third trimester, but I never thought that this would extend to non-gestational moms-to-be! While we’re gearing up for a very large event at work, there is a small lull right now, during which all I want to do is:

  • Prep the remainder of our cloth diapers, now that the new washing machine arrived yesterday.
  • Work on decor for baby Falco’s room.
  • Talk, daydream, G-chat, Facebook, text and/or blog about the baby.
  • Sleep.
  • Watch tv.
  • Conduct other miscellaneous Falco-related tasks.
  • Sleep some more.

K says that I am way more distracted than he is, which is true and strange, considering that he’s the one carrying the baby. Have others gone through this and how did you cope? I could really use some advice here!